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These are some profound quotes on marriage... - May Queen's journal

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February 5th, 2004


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09:58 pm - These are some profound quotes on marriage...
В основном по-английски. Говорите, кому перевести.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle

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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
George Burns
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in
the
carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."
Henny Youngman
------------------------------------------------
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Phyllis Diller
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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Henny Youngman
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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool
when
I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was
in love and didn't notice."
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When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let
Him keep her.
------------------------------------------------
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt
her.
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My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two
girlfriends.
------------------------------------------------
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it
because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has,
you wish you had ordered that
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
------------------------------------------------
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
------------------------------------------------
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't
know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country,
son.
------------------------------------------------
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was
until I got married; then it was too late.
------------------------------------------------
A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." The next day he
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can
have mine."
------------------------------------------------
A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman
replied, "A billionaire.
------------------------------------------------
The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get
to
prove it.
------------------------------------------------
A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "I've found a
woman just like mother!" His father replied, "So what do you want from
me,
sympathy?"
------------------------------------------------
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in
Europe.
------------------------------------------------
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second
marriage
is the triumph of hope over experience.
------------------------------------------------
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every
word
you say, talk in your sleep
------------------------------------------------
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
------------------------------------------------
It's not true that married
men live longer than single men. It only seems longer
------------------------------------------------
Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
------------------------------------------------
A man was complaining to a
friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love
of a
beautiful woman-then, BAM!, it was all gone!" "What happened?" asked
his
friend. "My wife found out...
------------------------------------------------
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life
thinking
they had no faults at all.
------------------------------------------------
I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both
husband
and father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course,
no
one pays the least bit of attention
------------------------------------------------
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A
successful woman is one who can find such a man.
------------------------------------------------
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he
wants,
provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a
moment
and then says, "Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me half to
death."
------------------------------------------------
Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've
experienced pain and bought jewelry.
------------------------------------------------
How do most men define
marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
------------------------------------------------
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget
it
once.
------------------------------------------------
Words to live by: Do
not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute
-----------------------------------------------
First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky,
mine's still alive.
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